Much like monotonous movie preview intros, falling back into a piece of fiction can feel like diving down the rabbit hole. You have to hold your breath and let yourself submerge. Inevitably the real world will break back in. Monkeys, appointments, sleep, you name it, eventually they all take precedence. But taking that first leap afoul a self-made reality can be tricky.
Today, all I see is Sophia. My beautiful and vibrant 8 year old has been plastered across my brain since this morning, and no free fall can pull me away from her, right now. My gravity has been suspended. She may be rooms away, eating lunch with her siblings, and then running off to play, but she's right here with me. Every time I think about her, I just want to cry. I've already been told this is not a rational reaction, and perhaps it is not. But when exactly did sadness become irrational?
This morning, I came to terms with the fact that Sophia is terrified of the water. She had been very nervous yesterday, but still, this morning she wanted to come to the second to last of the swim lessons, which she's had with her siblings all week. Two days ago she was still laughing, and did many of the routines, easily, that sent her hyperventilating today. After lots of cheering and calming and soothing, she snapped. With dilated pupils, she looked up at me, clinging to the pool side, every muscle tensed, abject terror carved squarely into her face. She looked like a half-mad and sopping cat trying to climb a shower wall. All good judgement had ebbed from her with panic securely at the helm.
After it was all over, and we were leaving the pool, my rational reaction was to ask myself how this needed to change our plans as they included her and water, to maximize safety while maintaining balance. My 'irrational' reaction was to feel very sad, not in front of her, not as a broadcast demeanor, but personally. There is something that my baby needs, that I cannot give her, and I am scared.
I know there are plenty more things we could potentially try, down the line, to help her feel more comfortable. There have to be. Will she want to try them? Would they work? Does it matter if she misses out? I want to scream "YES!!" But it's not cancer, it's not terminal, it's just missing out.
I just want to swaddle her in wads of caution. If I don't... Sure I can't protect her from everything, but shouldn't I protect her from the things I can see happening, at least within reason. You don't take an alcoholic to a bar. Why should a girl who is terrified of swimming, go to a pool? Why would you put a person, who will be guaranteed to panic and drown quickly, in a place, where finding yourself in the water without some form of buoyant vest or an adult a split second away can never be guaranteed. Missing out may not be terminal, but serious injury or death incurred in pursuit of not missing out is ridiculous. Even if the chances are low, ignoring them feels like negligence.
Which makes me sad. Either way, there is something missing. Either way, may be a mistake.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Removing the rails
Trains do it, roller coasters do it, rail guns and to a lesser degree coil guns do it, and now NASA may even give it a shot, but why must magnetic propulsion run on rails? Oh sure, stability you say. While that seems like the perfect motivation to tether a magnetic force in such a way, I find it cumbersome. Infrastructure, materials, and for gosh sakes space runs rails directly into the path of most resistance for me. Tear down the rails!
Electromagnetism can be projected, magnetic levitation and electrodynamic suspension can be achieved. Hydrogen floats, not because it's lighter than air, but because of it's atomic energy potential. It has so much energy potential, that within the field (here) where it exists, the path of least resistance is up rather than down.
Sure all the physicists and engineers haven't quite figured out how to harness electromagnetic energy in such a way as to make it a viable option for propulsion to the moon, or into the next galaxy, but why not to just try for down the road. Why are we reaching so far, when it could be applied so much more easily to oh say transportation problems closer to home.
Do we really have to build the rails higher and longer to reconnect the world in steel instead of concrete? Can't we scrap the metal and build an electromagnetic freeway of contained fields? Personal vehicles could be lifted into or lowered out of the fields magnetically, and propelled through them with no resistance, no wear, and no driving. Sure containment of the fields is necessary, we don't want all the random pacemakers across the country to flicker out when we apply a current, but I'm sure the answer to that problem lies in the Halbach array.
I know what you're saying, the Halbach array uses permanent magnets, and is exactly the sort of technology applied to rails, because it requires infrastructure to achieve the array. But is there some electromagnetic law which requires the array to be produced by permanent magnets, or could you use electromagnetic field generators, which produce variable magnetic outputs to reproduce the array as a projected field, mimicking its properties?
I bet if Tesla was here, he would be working on containment. So the Halbach array may or may not be able to be reproduced with magnetic field generators, there seems to be little published on the subject. But if the fundamental forces of gravity and electromagnetism are coupled, instead of trying to create some sort of anti-gravity via electromagnetism, couldn't we use gravitational forces to contain electromagnetic fields. It sure worked for the earth well enough. Not that I have an artificial gravity machine hanging out in the garage or anything, but think about it. Instead of fighting these natural forces, what if we simply redirected them, siphoned them. "Man vs. Nature: the road to victory!"
I have no diagrams or explanations, just questions. I am no engineer. I don't even like physics. But these questions are not only theoretical, they're fictional, the basis for my utopia, the backbone of my Eden. How can I create this world without the logistics well in hand? I'm not writing a book, I'm redesigning the world outside your window, and harder questions make for better answers, ask any journalist (except everyone at the FTU.)
These ideas do sap some energy from my character treatment this week, but it must be done. Settings: check, Heroins: check, basic invasion strategy: done, the world for which a Secret Monkey Robot Army is employed to bring about: gotta work out some of the bugs. This problem with rails is a big fat cicada, stuck to the screen door and driving me crazy!
Electromagnetism can be projected, magnetic levitation and electrodynamic suspension can be achieved. Hydrogen floats, not because it's lighter than air, but because of it's atomic energy potential. It has so much energy potential, that within the field (here) where it exists, the path of least resistance is up rather than down.
Sure all the physicists and engineers haven't quite figured out how to harness electromagnetic energy in such a way as to make it a viable option for propulsion to the moon, or into the next galaxy, but why not to just try for down the road. Why are we reaching so far, when it could be applied so much more easily to oh say transportation problems closer to home.
Do we really have to build the rails higher and longer to reconnect the world in steel instead of concrete? Can't we scrap the metal and build an electromagnetic freeway of contained fields? Personal vehicles could be lifted into or lowered out of the fields magnetically, and propelled through them with no resistance, no wear, and no driving. Sure containment of the fields is necessary, we don't want all the random pacemakers across the country to flicker out when we apply a current, but I'm sure the answer to that problem lies in the Halbach array.
I know what you're saying, the Halbach array uses permanent magnets, and is exactly the sort of technology applied to rails, because it requires infrastructure to achieve the array. But is there some electromagnetic law which requires the array to be produced by permanent magnets, or could you use electromagnetic field generators, which produce variable magnetic outputs to reproduce the array as a projected field, mimicking its properties?
I bet if Tesla was here, he would be working on containment. So the Halbach array may or may not be able to be reproduced with magnetic field generators, there seems to be little published on the subject. But if the fundamental forces of gravity and electromagnetism are coupled, instead of trying to create some sort of anti-gravity via electromagnetism, couldn't we use gravitational forces to contain electromagnetic fields. It sure worked for the earth well enough. Not that I have an artificial gravity machine hanging out in the garage or anything, but think about it. Instead of fighting these natural forces, what if we simply redirected them, siphoned them. "Man vs. Nature: the road to victory!"
I have no diagrams or explanations, just questions. I am no engineer. I don't even like physics. But these questions are not only theoretical, they're fictional, the basis for my utopia, the backbone of my Eden. How can I create this world without the logistics well in hand? I'm not writing a book, I'm redesigning the world outside your window, and harder questions make for better answers, ask any journalist (except everyone at the FTU.)
These ideas do sap some energy from my character treatment this week, but it must be done. Settings: check, Heroins: check, basic invasion strategy: done, the world for which a Secret Monkey Robot Army is employed to bring about: gotta work out some of the bugs. This problem with rails is a big fat cicada, stuck to the screen door and driving me crazy!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
It's raining in the sunshine state. I'm pregnant with another baby. By my due date I will have a finished novel. This, I guess, is the story behind that story.
"This is the blog that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Somebody started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever, just because..."
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